I Dreamed A Little Dream…

IMG_6679Alright, so I’m about to do a thing that scares the absolute SHIT out of me.

No… I’m not jumping out of a plane from 16,000ft. It’s not cliff diving or even white water rafting (although all 3 of those are on my bucketlist!)

I’m going to share some suuuuuper personal shit. You ready? Sitting down?

Anyone who’s known me more than about 4-5 years probably knows that I looked a little different a while back.

Since then, I’ve lost a few pounds, cut my hair, obtained a couple new scars, you know… the usual.

Oh. I forgot one.

I changed my gender.

And my name.

And my face shape.

Oh… and my voice!

(I’ll give you a second to pick yourself up off the floor…)

Many transgender people say that they were ‘born in the wrong body’ or that they were assigned the wrong letter when they were born. I don’t think any of this applies to me personally, but I do know for a fact that there are a lot of examples I can think of from all those years ago that make more sense now. I think my heart was always more masculine than my body appeared. And I think my brain was more masculine too. This isn’t to say that one ‘gender’ is any better than any other, but that I never quite fit the way that I looked.

Long story short: I made some changes.

Was it scary? Oh shit yes. Terrifying. I was convinced that if I ‘came out’, every single one of my friends and family members would disown me. That I’d lose my job. Lose the respectful reputation that I’d taken years to compile.

But was it worth it?
Absolutely. Yeah, there were loads of shitty days. Periods where my mood was so low that I wasn’t sure I would live to see the next day.

But I kept pushing and pushing and pushing until I finally got to come out on the other side.

Obviously I didn’t do this alone. My friends and family gave me more support and love than I could have ever anticipated. And I found community with online groups, LGBTQ resources and now I’m at a plc where I’m (almost) comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life.

Yes, I absolutely have a dozen other things I want to ‘change’ or ‘improve’ upon about myself, but it’s a process.

(I didn’t grow this epic facial hair overnight, kids 😜)

So now I’m taking another big jump. I’ve designed and executed my very own health and fitness plan. I’ve made some epic lifestyle changes that have helped my body physically, mentally and emotionally. I’m going to continue to make healthy choices and extend my life because now I have a reason to.

I’m also getting back into one of my biggest passions – creative writing. Ever since I was a kiddo, I’ve dreamed up all kinds of tales. I have a kick ass imagination and one of my favourite hobbies is to get those stories on paper.

Sometimes it’s journalling, blogging, writing songs or poetry and occasionally even fanfiction haha! I love writing and it’s an amazing way to dig through emotions and clear my mind.

I’m a paramedic, I’m currently in nursing school, I run my own wellness coaching business, and I also facilitate several volunteer groups, non profit organizations and charities!  I just have so much to live for now that I want to give back in all the ways that I can.

We all have goals. Plans. Dreams!

Maybe you want to make a million bucks, or pay off your parent’s home, or you want to lose those last stubborn 10lbs from last winter. Or maybe there’s a secret hobby that you’ve discovered that you’re too shy or nervous to get started on. Maybe you want to jump out of that plane. Or maybe there’s a new language that you’re dying to learn.

What’s it going to take to get you started?

If you’re anything like me – you’re probably procrastinating, anxious about the ‘what ifs’ and paralyzed when you think about failure.

Fuck failure.

Even if you only make 10% of your goal, isn’t that 10% more than you had before? Doesn’t really seem like a fail now, does it?
Maybe you only learn the first 3 chapters of that new language book. But I bet you could get by in a foreign country a little easier now, no?

Maybe you can only afford to pay for a couple months of your parent’s mortgage – don’t you think that they’re still going to be super grateful?

Instead of fearing failure – embrace the excitement of it! Be competitive! Dare those goals to go unmet. Listen to some kick ass music and get inspired to make a difference!

Then get going on it.

Because you can’t change something if you don’t get started.


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